allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
