You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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