there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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