Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
