I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
