so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
