If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
