the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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