This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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