your room smells of hookers.
And success
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you never un-have a 4some
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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