I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
