I look better un-naked...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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