I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
