Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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