you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
