woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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