it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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