So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
