my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
