He uses pillows to masturbate.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
