PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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