You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize