I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize