"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My ass is underappreciated
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
