Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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