Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize