I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
