i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
