p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
