porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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