Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
