i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
