Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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