Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
