I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
