I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
