This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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