Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
