we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
