It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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