Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.

(970): View more from Colorado

I am going to be fat forever.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

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(+81): View more from

And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.

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(906): View more from Michigan

I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.

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(815): View more from Illinois

It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign

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