just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dicks are not precious.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
