i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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