so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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