she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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