Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
