she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
