K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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