whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize