i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
