She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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