i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
