My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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