This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
