Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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