i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
