After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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