I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
