I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
