WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
